It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We got so high we made milksteak
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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