The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
