some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
