I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
