We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
