I think I am morally bankrupt
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
