yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
