remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
