...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
