Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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