All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
