Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
