Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
sarcasm needs its own font
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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