Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
