Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
