Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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