Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
