Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
