is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Randomize
