is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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