i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
