She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
