i barfeds in our rink
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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