I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
