I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
