It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
