that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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