I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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