I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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