come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
