Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
