I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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