Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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