The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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