her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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