I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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