I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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