Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize