that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
