Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
