Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
