Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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