so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
