I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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