By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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