when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
