On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
