i just sent this text using only my big toe
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
