we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
