i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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