omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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