Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
