I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
