Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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