he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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