this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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