I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
