im six kinds of drunk right now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
