Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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